13. Refer to the advice on page 237-238 and revise the following sentences by replacing the vague elements with specific information.
a. The result won’t be available for a while
à The result of your TOEIC test won’t be available for two weeks from now.
b. The fire in the lab caused extensive damage.
à The fire which was caused by Peter in the lab destroyed entire this structure.
c. A soil analysis of the land beneath the new stadium revealed an interesting fact.
à A soil analysis of the land beneath the new stadium which was done by Washington University revealed an interesting fact. There is at least 2 tons gold inside this land.
14. Refer to the advice on page 238 and revise the following to remove unnecessary jargon.
a. Please submit your research assignment in hard-copy mode.
à Please submit your research assignment in the form of a printed document.
b. The perpetrator was apprehended and placed under arrest directly adjacent to the scene of the incident.
à The perpetrator was captured and placed under arrest directly near to the
c. The new computer lab supports both major platforms.
à The new room for experimental study in a science supports both major platforms.
15. Refer to the advice on page 239 and revise the following to convert the negative constructions to positive constructions.
a. William was accused by management of filing trip reports that were not accurate.
à William was accused by management of filing trip reports were inaccurate
b. We must make sure that all our representatives do not act unprofessionally to the potential clients.
à We must make sure that all our representatives act professionally to the potential clients.
c. The shipment will not be delayed if Quality Control does not disapprove any latest revisions.
à The shipment will be done quickly if Quality Control approves any latest revisions.
16. Refer to the advice on page 239 and revise the following to eliminate the long noun strings, which general readers might find awkward or difficult to understand.
a. The corporate- relations committee meeting location has been change.
à The location of the meeting for corporate-relations committee has been change.
b. The research team discovered a glycerin-initiated alkylene- oxide- based long-chain polyether.
à The research team discovered a long chain polyether whose glycerin-initiated alkylene- oxide- based on it.
c. We are considering purchasing a digital-imaging-capable, diffusion-pump-equipped, tungsten-gun-SEM.
à We are considering purchasing a digital imaging that capable equipped with diffusion pimp and tungsten-gun-SEM.
17. Refer to the advice on page 239-240 and revise the following to eliminate clichés.
a. We hope the new program will positively impact all our branches.
à We hope the new program will positively impact on our job.
b. If we are to survive this difficult period, we are going to have to keep our ears to the ground and our noises to the grindstone.
à If we overcome this difficult situation, we are going to listen closely everyone and keep working hard.
c. If everyone is on the same page and it turns out to be wrong page, you’re really up a creek.
à If everyone in a situation that they cannot get out it, you will too.
18. Refer to the advice on page 240 and revise the following to eliminate euphemisms.
a. Downsizing our workforce will enable our division to achieve a more favorable cash-flow profile.
à The decrease on our workforce will enable our division to achieve a more favorable cash-flow profile.
b. Of course, accident statics can be expected to show a moderate increase in response to a streamlining of the training schedule.
àAccidents statics show a moderate increase in response to a streamlining of the training schedule.
c. Unfortunately, the patient failed to fulfill his wellness potential.
àThe patient cannot achieve his wellness potential.
19. Refer to the advice on page 241 and revise the following to eliminate the obvious material.
a. To register to take a course offered by the university, you must first determine whether the university will be offering that semester.
à We can eliminate phrase that has been underline.
b. The starting date of the project had to be postponed for a certain period of time due to a delay in obtaining the necessary authorization from the Project Oversight Committee.
à We can eliminate phrase that has been underline.
c. After you have installed DataQuick, please spent a few minutes responding to the question about the process, then take the card to a post office and mail it to us.
à We can eliminate phrase that has been underline.
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